Isolation provides solidarity. {trigger warning I guess}

Isolation can be so brutally perfect, yet it can be so disgustingly killing. Bringing yourself into a state of isolated solidarity can not only add character but it can show you that you can do things on your own that you didn't know was possible, yet it can also drive your deepest and darkest thoughts, bringing you to the brink of self destruction. Self quarantining is such a wonderful thing if you can make sure that you're doing it properly and you're not putting yourself into danger; look at it as giving yourself some 'me time' and not needing to worry about what's going on in the world outside of your little bubble. Remember to know when to bring yourself out of it, remember it's okay to talk to people and ask for help, cry kick and scream, do what you need to do to make sure you get the attention and the help you need. Look out for number one. Number one being yourself. Put your headphones on, turn the music right up, drown out the world around you, sing to your hearts content; pretend no one else can hear your singing, dance around like a mad-man, leave the windows right open, close them, do whatever you want. So, now I've got that out of the way, let's talk about the things that really matter for those who are undiagnosed. 

Have a little bit of history from me. I come from a family where on my mum's side, we have two or three people who do not suffer from mental health issues, whether it be schizophrenia, depression, bipolar disorder, you name it, chances are it's in my family somewhere. We're pretty mentally unstable, imagine the birthday parties, christmases and then the wakes we go to. It's a free for all drink up, as well. My uncle on my dad's side has just recently, for lack of better words, 'got over' his suicidal tendencies and is finally on track to being 'normal' again. I myself have been suicidal, I have gone through the motions and I have been sectioned after my suicide attempts. Multiple, yes. Sectioned once. I've been there, I know how it feels, and that's why I'm such an open book now. I want to help others. If that isn't enough for you, I work in a hospital where it's rare that I haven't seen something coming through the door, whether it's a hypothermia, drug addiction, self harm wounds, suicide attempts, successful suicide attempts where I've had to attempt resuscitation, full blown trauma calls, paediatric trauma, paediatric arrests, the works. Don't get me wrong, it's a mentally draining job, but it provides me with joy when if out of 100 patients I see, I make a difference to just one of them. 

Get yourself into the sun, though. S.A.D. No, I'm not saying the word sad, I'm talking seasonal affective disorder/depression. It's a real thing, most people just call it the winter blues and then wonder why they're feeling so low and suicidal in the winter; you're suffering a form of depression. Get to your primary care provider/GP, get some therapy, get some tablets, get sectioned, hell, have a ball with it. Psych isn't that bad of a place, take it from someone who's been there. Your doctor will be able to do an on the spot temporary assessment to get you some sort of treatment until the mental health specialists can step in to see you and help you, they will listen to you no matter how silly you may feel discussing it. With S.A.D people feel like they want to just sit in all winter and do nothing; it isn't normal, and that's not how you're meant to feel. 'Oh but it's so cold', wrap up, force yourself out of the house. Get yourself out, go for a run, go to the gym, hell, go have a coffee on your own if it means you're out the house. 'I have no money though'; go for a run, there's hundreds of free things you can do to get out of the house when you're stuck in a rut. 

Depression is a filthy and we all know it, only comes back when it wants something from us and usually it's to do us over. Let's discuss full blown depression; I'm not talking about feeling a little bit down, I'm talking the nitty gritty depression where it cripples you, you don't leave your bed for days unless it's absolutely necessary, you don't eat properly for weeks, you can go days without even feeling hungry and you have to force yourself to eat. I'm talking those periods where it hits you so hard you don't shower, you let your facial hair just go wild and you still don't care. I'm talking those days and weeks where you hear your phone go off and you dread answering it because you don't actually want to have to put on your 'I'm perfectly fine' voice, you just want to break down and cry for no reason whatsoever. I'm talking the vile bitch that depression is. I've been there, you've most likely been there if you're reading this, and let me tell you now; it is absolutely fine to feel this way. No amount of medication or therapy you're given is going to have an immediate magical wand that it comes with that will cure and stop this within a few days. It will take months, if not years. I have been on mirtazapine for nearly two years now and I still feel like this sometimes, and that's okay. I've called into work and told them I'm not well, I didn't specify with what, but it was my mental health. They asked to see a GP note, so I went to my local mental health team and took them a note from there. They were fine about it; your employer won't mind you having mental health issues. Chances are there are people high up who have mental health issues. 

Now, let's talk about addiction and depression, those two, just like anxiety and depression, which we will get onto later, go hand in hand. When you're low, you're low. So, what do you want to do? Have a pick me up. A lot of people turn to alcohol, or drugs. Sure, that's absolutely fine, cope how you need to, but don't fall into the trap where you get so complacent that it's going to be the thing that will pick you up every time, we all know alcohol is, in fact, a depressant. Not usually mood wise, well, sometimes, but it it slows down everything in your system, except your heart rate. It impairs every judgement you make; why do you think most suicide attempts are done on a Friday or Saturday night after drinking? Judgement has been impaired. I feel like I don't even need to get onto the risks of taking drugs. Side note: Be very careful when drinking if on medication. I know for a fact what I'm on, alcohol just cancels out the medication. Always discuss with your healthcare professional team about drinking while on medication.  Where do I come into all of this? Well, while on extended leave from work due to mental health, I turned to vodka, it was my best friend. Not to the point where I was waking up wanting a drink, but every weekend I was having a party at my house just so I had an excuse to drink, or during the week days I was hosting a dinner party with 'a few drinks' just to be able to drink it and justify it to myself. Truth be told, I was on the edge of becoming a functioning alcoholic. I could still function daily without the drink, but it was on my mind. 

So, we've done addiction. Lets discuss anxiety. Let's have a raise of hands in the house, who's ever wanted to do something, even something simple like make a phone call, and then their brain played over scenarios which made them decide not to make that phone call; who's ever felt so sick they have actually thrown up just before doing something, whether life changing or small? Right now, both of my hands are in the air in my head. How did I overcome this? Well, I'll tell you once I finally have. I still go through it daily.  Today I didn't phone a company I owe money to, I owe them £22, not a lot, right? But something in my mind stopped me calling them, I had to tell them I won't be able to pay it until payday. I'm sure waiting a few days won't hurt them and deep down I know they'll be understanding, but something in my mind just stopped me from calling them. You're probably sitting there saying 'don't be so silly', but as you know, it's different when it's happening to you. Your mind will be racing. Your mind will be playing scenarios in your head that you know aren't true and would never happen, you also know that it's easier said than done. 

I'm not going to go into self harm, nor am I going to go into suicide attempts. We all know that those things are on a person-by-person basis and there is never any kind of 'blanket treatment' for any kind of mental health issue, as everyone is different. But just remember, sometimes, isolating yourself can provide solidarity. Just remember to know when to stop, and when to call out for help.